How do we meet the parts that aren’t light

How do we meet the parts that aren’t light

By Lisa Suizu

It’s been my understanding that some form of contraction and emasculation in our society has taken upon its structure within our mind and the way we move about our daily business

It’s come to my attention growing up in a serious and task oriented culture that Scandinavia is I am here “ to achieve” to be and become something of the mind as conformity is when seen in its most ultimate form, control, diligence of the emotions and senses, assets and the shadowy landscape of that when not balanced becomes irregularities such as hormonal issues and influxes of light pushes to change that in these present times

I have had a lot of fun in my emasculation don’t get me wrong, it got me through graduating with the highest score whilst I cared for a boy as a mother

It took me places I needed to see and learn for myself how I could thrive within the confines of it, I could line up a business a website or a home, my dreams as I found structure as a helpful tool

Now how that works as a woman in a world with patriarchal views is something entirely different. I could find myself in a place of emasculation when the feminine entered my life, when my mother ceased to live I became the first in line, the one to take the wheel and so I did yet again find myself in a place of new found structure

Only this time I was the one to define it as the early days of my life it was my mother who defined it for me, now as I existed as the primary matriarch I could see how the emasculation of the society I grew up in had had its toll on a woman single handedly raising her child

It was no longer fun so I hopped of the ride

I took all of my life and said a firm good bye

I rose to new heights travelling for the first time as a freedom journey unraveling for myself first what tit meant to be a woman

For me just for me

It takes courage to leave everything behind yet I did it to find myself in a world set on telling me what I did mattered

To me it was finding the truth of why I came to be just exactly who I felt I was on the inside that mattered most

It wasn’t amongst the confines of the old structure I could find it

So I searched and I found.

My longing and desire I found a dream and along with it stepped into life for the first time with a creation I divinely had worked to get to

I felt like I soared higher as I found what I thought was the ultimate dream

But not yet spirit said

Before you find what you are here for you must belong

To your own soul and unravelling started of the shadowy work

The downside of the spiral of the soul is when you are taken into your depth of being

The place where shame lives and hides

There the entities of dark power hides to hold more of your own seat of power exist

Within these dark caverns there is a tower of light

And embodiment is sitting int the tower and unlocking each peace of this dark shadow landscape

It was scary at first I’m not going to lie

I found it was hard

So much had influenced and stayed there in these shadows I didn’t want to confront

I had traveled yet but I brought it with me everywhere I go

In each encounter it came knocking

I first used force to take it down

Yet it wasn’t enough

It was the softness of my womb that would unravel the rest

First the pain had to be loved

Held

First I needed rest

I was exhausted from trying to hard

From working as a mother raising children bearing them and having had a relationship that mirrored back this dark entity of withdrawal of the deep love I could have for myself first then my child

My inner child had carried amongst other things a calling forward of what once existed as I broke open with each hardship life offered

And the key was in holding myself through each layer that came to be loved

Each game that was played out of others shadowy projected unto me showed me mine

And every time I craved love or anything on the outside to affirm my greatness

I dug myself deeper into the trap of the ego thirst

It wasn’t until I was taken apart

Piece by piece that I could awaken her

The one soul pieces together by reclaiming each of the steps back to her shining immaculate self love

So each hurt and pain it’s a way shower of what has been carried for life times even

It is the way home

The daunting journey of unlayering

The many layers that have been pushing it down for centuries

At last I feel whole

Because I can be a strength and love at the same time

I can dance and cry.

I can feel her when I’m making myself small

Whisper not this time

And I can meet anything from her the soul and ask it what hurts what’s needed and unravel the thread back to the start

Shed light and release what isn’t in alignment anymore of who I am

And become a new version from that place of contraction alchemising hurt into expansiveness

With love x